


Killing Dead Things

by LittleRoma



Series: Felicity Smoak, Slayer? [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: AU, Gen, Humour, Nothing is the same, sarcastic narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRoma/pseuds/LittleRoma
Summary: What if Felicity was a Vampire Slayer?  What if she had precisely zero patience for Oliver Queen and his terrible excuses?





	

Aw crap.

Felicity’s professional life was supposed to remain separate from her nightlife of the supernatural variety. That was the way she had wanted it. That was the way she had been very careful to keep it.

That was all completely screwed up the moment Oliver Queen had walked into her life one bogus excuse after another. Really your laptop got screwed up because your coffee shop is ‘in a bad neighbourhood’?!?! She could forgive the spilled latte, sort of (she had been there and it was mostly salvageable), even if it had meant more time beating up her Watcher. On the plus side, she had never seen Tommy Merlyn quite so shocked. Bullet holes, really BULLET HOLES REALLY?!?! Felicity had to think I AM NOT AS STUPID AND GULLIBLE AS THE WOMEN YOU USED TO SLEEP WITH YOU JACKASS!!!!

Felicity could also see the man moved in a very deliberate pattern. Which begged the question where you turned into a warrior or a dancer on that island Mr Queen? Did the Bolshoi Ballet Academy now recruit from deserted islands the middle of the South China Sea? Tommy had let slip that the man now spoke Russian which only lent to Russian Ballet theory. It was a good thing the man was pretty, he really couldn’t lie worth a damn.

Still, at least John Diggle seemed to recognise just how ridiculous the lies had gotten, a sports drink in a syringe? Really? REALLY?!?! Oh yeah, Felicity saw the rolled eyes when he heard that excuse. At least she couldn’t say that stupidity was catching, because John clearly wasn’t stupid. Bit unlucky with being forced to guard the ludicrous man child that was Oliver Jonas Queen.

It could be worse, Starling could be a hellmouth Felicity reflected to herself as she made her way through the graveyard patrolling. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of Felicity’s stomach as she thought that there hadn’t been a lot of vampire activity lately. It was quiet, too quiet. Wasn’t there a saying to be careful when toddlers go silent because then they’re plotting something? It was the same with vampires. Just altogether more deadly.

Smiling to herself when she spotted soil moving in front of a grave, Felicity melted back into the shadows, checking the name. Checking by the date on the grave, Felicity growled to herself that it was a freshly turned vampire. Hopefully the woman hadn’t learned a lot of self-defence while she/it (?) was still alive. Felicity had hurt her back during work that week. Why did executives go on creepy porn sites at work and expect her to climb under the desks? Bunch of bloody perverted old men. The amount of times she had had to ask ‘have you tried turning it on and off again?’, she rather suspected at this point she was just wasting her breath and time answering the pointless questions.

Watching as a hand popped above the soil, Felicity took in a deep breath before she launched herself towards the hand, hauling up the new vampire. Dodging a left punch Felicity lifted up her right forearm hoping to block a potential punch while using her right leg to kick the vampire upside the head.

Hearing a small growl coming from the vampire, Felicity grimly smiled knowing she was starting to piss of the vampire. Glancing at the vampire’s face, Felicity saw that it was changing in and out of ‘game face’. Caught in her day dream, Felicity snarled a bit as she was too caught up in her day dream to even block the punch coming towards her, before if made contact, snarling a bit when she felt the contact made with her right eye. That was going to bruise up tomorrow. Time to finish this, throwing the stake between her right and left hand, she dived forward plunging the wooden stake into the chest of the vampire. Taking the stake out quickly, Felicity really didn’t want her favourite stake to turn to dust in the wind. Lifting her hand up to shield her eyes from the dust, Felicity smiled grimly as she counted another successful night.

Scowling a little to herself when she looked down at her clothes to see them clogged with the horrible sand. She had never been so glad that there was a washer and drier in her townhouse. Otherwise she would have long since wasted A LOT of money over the years. Felicity lifted a hand up to delicately prod at her nose, scowling a little when she lifted her hand back to see that it was covered in a thick red liquid. Crap she didn’t think she had any plasters in her car. Stomping her way back to her car, Felicity threw the stake into the trunk of her car, going into the passenger glovebox to see if she had any plasters or even tissues. Shrugging a little when she came across an unused tampon, she unwrapped it and groaned a little before popping it into her nose.

Driving back to her townhouse, Felicity started to hum along to the radio, it was Sunday the next day, so she wouldn’t have to get up early and work through yet another day of helping complete and utter philistines, that would be Mondays work. Instead tonight she could relax, maybe sleep in a little bit tomorrow.

All of Felicity’s thoughts of relaxing went clean out of her head when she saw Tommy Merlyn relaxing on the couch.

“This is an odd visit don’t you think Merlyn, a girl could get the wrong idea” Felicity lightly greeted.

“Oh ha ha Smoak, we both know there’s nothing happening there,” Tommy shot back

“Shame, I always did want to find out what kind of lay a billionaire would be. Would you be the type just to lay there? Or would you rock my world? What’s up?” Felicity jokingly flirted with the man.

“Oh honey, I would rock your world. It’s Laurel, ever since Ollie came back, she’s been acting odd. I’m worried about her falling into old patterns especially with Ollie.” Tommy sighed.

“Are you sure? Because from what you’ve told me, she seems to really hate the guy, I don’t see it happening.”

“No, I think she’s playing hard to get” Tommy mused.

“ugh games, I have no time for people who play games, unless it’s monopoly that’s a really good way to break apart families. But people who play with your emotions no siree, not for me thank you very much. She doesn’t know about this side of you right? She doesn’t know about me, RIGHT? “

“No, she doesn’t and nice trying to distract me. Why did you go out on your own without letting me know? We’ve talked about this, it isn’t safe, anyone could see you and ask questions, questions we don’t want asked or answered”

“Oh calm down Dad it was perfectly safe, it was just another routine patrol, I only encountered one young vamp anyway. Can I go now?” Felicity started to whine wanting to wash the sweat off her and go to bed.

“all right but this isn’t over yet Smoak, I’ll see you tomorrow” Tommy went to the front letting himself quietly out waving over his shoulder.

Felicity returned the wave making sure that her door was locked, along with the windows tightly fastened with curtains pulled over all of them before going into her bathroom and with an almighty, jaw cracking yawn shutting the door behind her.


End file.
